Abstract:
The research has a two-fold objective, first is to delve into the influences of gender socialization, second is to study the interconnections between Feminist Practice and the researcher's spiritual growth in her own context and her interactions with other people and the in surroundings. The approach employed in this research is called Autobiographical research. This means the perspective of "the First Person", i.e. the researched and the researcher is the same person but situated in a different context and timing. This also combines with the perspective of "the Third Person", i.e. the researcher herself acts as participant-observer in a given context. Data were collected through various sources. The first source is the information/ data related to the researcher's life including a review of the researcher's memories in each stage of life, an in-depth interview of the researcher focusing on gender-oriented stories, working reports or documents (both published and nonpublished), field notes, and a self-reflective journal. The second source was an external one, information collected from books, articles, websites, and insights from informal conversations with others. Finally, the data was collected from analyzing the researcher's identity in relation to power relations in different contexts. All data and information was recalled from memory of the interviewee and researcher and then written in a life story manner. The finding showed that the researcher, as a woman growing up in the countryside, is cheerful and self-confident. She was so independent that none of the so-called social norms could let her down or limit her freedom of being herself. Apart from that, she continually rejected gender stereotyping, and always got angry whenever deemed her treatment was inferior merely because of her sex. Consequently, this lead her to ask for genuine justice, while strongly opposing any form of unfair power. The researcher is proud of her characteristics. Paradoxically, such characteristics are mainly masculine traits. For many years, she has been unaware of establishing the idea that masculinity is superior to femininity. However, after contemplating oneself by adopting Feminist Practice, the researcher is later awakened, and has become aware that she has made a big mistake regarding herself. So far, she has firmly believed that neither sex classification nor gender roles influence her thoughts and actions. At present she realizes that indeed she has always been influenced by the culture of gender binarism of superiority-inferiority, good-bad, and so on. "Feminist Practice" proposes the concept of social change. This includes both notions and practices of self-contemplation which consists of 4 areas; namely,. 1) understanding of social dimension, which includes identity, power relations, gender, and structural violence; 2) mindful meditation and discovery of inner values; 3) viewing connectedness between all lives, environment and non-living components; and 4) understanding oneself and others. All these factors have contributed to the spiritual growth of the researcher, and developed her understanding of the self-contemplation needs that are to be considered closely related the social phenomenon and cultural context necessary to truly gain self-understanding. This process also paves the way to an understanding of others and of the complexities of humans and society. At the end, one will have an insight on an interdependence between human beings and other living beings. Most importantly, Feminist Practice is not simply a way of contemplating life in an effort to pursue personal happiness, rather, it is contemplating one's life in the view of Spiritual Feminism aims at its highest goal; everyone living in peace, value of each life experience, and seeing the beauty of life. It is a way of being back "home", or being firm and calm within one's spirit. Such contemplating processes will not only promote personal transformation to peace, but will also be beneficial, as a whole, to society. In short, this is a way of self-transformation for social change. Feminism is therefore for everybody.